This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
