Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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