hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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