I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
