honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
