I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
