dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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