Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
