I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
