K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
