Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
