She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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