I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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