mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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