508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
