Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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