Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
