I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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