dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
