I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
