Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
