I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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