Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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