Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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