ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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