normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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