I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
