Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
