a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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