Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
