Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
