all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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