Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
