ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
