btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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