My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
me + whiskey = a bad person
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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