I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
