I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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