Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
