my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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