I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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