Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
