she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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