she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
