Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
