I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
