By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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