i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
