I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
