dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
