I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize