if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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