It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
