By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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