her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
do nipples grow back?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
