Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
