it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Someone shit on the floor
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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