i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
