she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
