At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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