I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You ruined the universe
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
