That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
