I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
