North Korea, Best Korea!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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