I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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