He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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